A Mighty Meeting of Mothers!

Written March 19, 2014

 

 

A group of feminists, some with life partners, some with not… who gather to discuss mother’s rights and other issues important to us.

- Alice Paul.

I like this quote for two reasons. The first reason is the speaker shares her name with my two most favourite people in this universe. The second reason is it describes my mother’s group pretty much perfectly.

It would have been very easy for me to become an isolated mother, feeling as though I was the only person in the world to have experienced this joyous, confusing, soul-destroying, scary, messy, blissful adventure that is motherhood. But I have found myself to be a part of a wonderful group of women who, in their own ways, are having similar adventures of their own. Knowing them is one of the many positive spin-offs from having Alice. My antenatal class was adequate – the people I met as a result of attending that class have been extraordinary.

It took about six weeks to come out of the new born fog, for me at least, and I think our first mother’s group meeting had something to do with it. I was almost overcome with nervousness – I had been supplementing with formula for nearly a month but it still felt like an awful sin I had to hide from the world. I needn’t have worried, and I wasn’t the only one.

 We met at a mother’s friend’s house who had an older baby and loved that her living room was filled with the sound of new born noise. We all had a birth story, an opinion of our post-natal care, an adventure tale of a sleepless night. Our babies all slept, cried, and fed (almost at the same time, if I recall). From where I sat, for all our differences, we had all struggled and triumphed and embraced motherhood, and we were prepared to offer and receive support from people that understood.

Mother’s group has evolved somewhat, now. Some of us have gone back to work or study and we are figuring out the infamous life juggle. Some of us are picking up commitments and hobbies that were dropped in order to bring a baby in to the world. Some of us are testing sleep patterns and daily routines by having family stay, or by going on a holiday. In our own ways we are re-engaging with the concept of “real life”. Meeting in a large group hasn’t happened in a while because we can’t get schedules to correspond. But there might be a couple of mums ready to go for a walk, or to a baby music group, or for a coffee. And the internet has been a great way to keep connected, to still be able to share our unique but similar story of being mums and seek advice from women we trust.

Being part of a mother’s group has been invaluable. If a mother’s group hadn’t evolved from anti-natal class I probably would have joined a group through Plunket – in the town that I live near they have lots of opportunities for mothers to get together with their babies and develop a network for support and friendship. I assume these initiatives are a nationwide effort; being connected to people that understand and care is vital for mother’s emotional wellbeing, and Plunket have embraced this.

 But I am so grateful to know the women I do now, and their beautiful first babies. We support, we encourage, we reassure, we praise. And some of us bake. This is what I think a good mother’s group is all about.