Happiest of New Years to you!
I have always used the first of January to reflect on the year that’s been, to remember moments that marked the passing of time and that changed me as a person. This past year I’ve learned more than I could ever record in a blog, there have been so many reasons to celebrate I could keep a balloon factory in business, and I have never found life in general so…hard.
And do you know what the one, droning constant has been though all the ups and downs?
Channel 9. C4. Edge TV. Music video after music video of the world’s most current pop music. If I was at home the TV was on, and Channel 9 played the backing track for the day in /day out lives of Alice and I.
Anyone that has known me from high school would be wondering who I am and what I’ve done with Tiffany.
It’s fair to say that I have a better grip on the top 100 songs of 2014 than I ever have at any time in my life to date, so I’m going to use that music to sum up some other meaningful experiences of the past 365 days.
If I have learnt one thing, it is to let it go. Dirty little hands on my white shirt? Let it go. Late for a coffee date? Shake it off. Paul hasn’t stacked the dishwasher exactly how I would have done it? There is no need to turn in to the monster from hell. I found it was so easy to get wrapped up in the little stuff while the important stuff happened around me, and it took some really conscious re-focusing on my part to change that. However, post-pregnancy hormones had a lot to do with me stressing the small stuff early in the year, and crying for no reason is still a luxury I allowed myself as recently as last week. I think it’s a privilege of the sleep-deprived.
All year I’ve had money on my mind. Being financially independent is super awesome… until you’re not. For the longest time I hated depending on Paul for financial support. Luckily, he’s the man and has supported Alice and I like a champ. It’s not like we buy a lot of ridiculous, fancy things, but his support has meant I’ve been able to go to the gym (so I’m not all about the bass) and Alice and I haven’t been stuck at home.
Although the massive change in work status was a huge, overwhelming problem at the time, I look back now and think it’s a blessing in disguise. Relief teaching and casual work means I have been able to teach in ten different settings in nine months. In kindergartens, preschool, infant care, homecare and even professional support for other teachers, I’ve had the most incredible year for exploring early childhood education. I could engage my brain and I started feelin’ myself again. And at the end of it, I got an incredible job that couldn’t suit me and my family better. At the beginning of the year I found trying to balance work with being the kind of parent I wanted to be too was much. But now I find now that teaching is something I need. (don’t tell ‘em, though, there’s probably a law about being too happy in your job).
I must say there were quite a few days where I wish I could just hideaway, or drop everything and run away to Budapest. It could get really overwhelming, all the responsibility and having to think about every little detail of every single thing. There were things that happened during the year that didn’t have anything to do with Alice, like my niece being born early or the house finally getting finished, and I wasn’t able to engage as much as I’d like because of my commitment to Alice. That little lady has taken all of me, dictated every aspect of my life, for a whole year. And just when I thought I was caught in a riptide, Alice does something wicked-cool and I realise that there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
I think if I had to sum up 2014 in one word, it would be happy. Alice was changing from one week to the next and has amazed me with her awesomeness every single time. She has given me so much, like the courage to sing to her in public and a reason to try so many new and exciting things. And don’t even get me started on all the crazy, stupid love that fill my days from the second Alice wakes me up every morning. I’m in love with the way she talks, with the way she gives nuggles, and the little wiggle she does when ‘Blank Space’ plays on Edge TV.
Alice has also given me mother’s group, which I think has brought me half a dozen women who I can truly count as friends. When we get together we may roar with laughter, or find ourselves thinking out loud when trying to solve one of the endless problems that parenting throws our way. I know that when I’m asking myself ‘am I wrong?’ those women put a smile on my face and my mind at ease. Serial, those women are superheroes.
My year has been filled with gratitude, and stress, and simple but outstanding joys. There were first birthdays and first steps and in the last days of December, first illnesses. I went to weddings and had lunch dates – sometimes they were with people, sometimes with a book and the river. There was lots of mess and lots of milestones and off course, there was lots of music. I look back on the year and I can honestly say, she looks so perfect.
No comments:
Post a Comment